This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
