Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
