I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize