dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
