So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Randomize
