I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
