I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
