I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
