note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
