She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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