Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
