Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
