who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
