she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
50% drunk capacity currently
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
