How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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