I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
