took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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