I cannot find my penis.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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