shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
