yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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