I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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