Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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