I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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