With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
