well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
