do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize