i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
