i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
