The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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