I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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