You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize