You're my little dorito
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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