I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize