You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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