nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize