hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
