And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
