Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
