Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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