i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
