Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
