Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
