i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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