Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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