the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
