what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
