HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
