Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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