Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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