dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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