Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
