how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
