first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
