Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
