I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
