my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
