There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
