I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
