my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
