I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
