I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
