Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
