she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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