I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
