I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
