i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
