Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
