i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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