Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize