Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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