I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its not stalking. its research.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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