he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize