your parents love me but you hate me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
