i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize