i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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