I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
