Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
